The New Me
6/01/10
I like to complain.
Not only is the water glass half empty, but I'm not even thirsty. Why are you pushing this water on me? And what, you couldn't pour me some more?
Fortunately, my exile in Germany has given me lots to complain about. Which is good, because I was running out. (You could say my complaint glass was half empty).
My biggest complaint has to be not working. It's not the working that I miss, exactly, but knowing that somebody - who has not seen my naked breasts - wanted me for something. These job rejections are worse than dating - I think we have such a nice time on our interview, but they never call again.
But then I got a call from a headhunter who held out just the dimmest glimmer of a whiff of hope of a potential job in another town.
And, instead of feeling the narrowest sliver of excitement, I thought: "Oh no. How could I start working and leave Baby Y behind all day?" This, from someone who had a nanny come when he was three weeks old and is more than happy to deposit him with any willing grandparent, babysitter, friend or passerby.
I understand that this makes me a crazy person who can never be happy. So, in the spirit of dialing down the crazy, I'm trying to find the positive in my situation, since, in reality, I know it won't be like this forever.
The half-full me says I already have all the things that the half-empty me misses:
1. Work: My job search is stressful, time-consuming and giving me agita - just like real job, so, see, I've been working for 2 years now!
2. Life: I can spend all day with handsome young man who flirts with me and loves being naked.
3. Cooking: Baby Y loves my homemade breastmilk. I also make the best formula cocktail on the west side, and can warm up a mean jar of baby food.
4. Money: Because Herr X travels worldwide, I have jars full of international coins totaling at least enough for a bag of gummi bears and a cola lite.
5. Style: My apple- and spit-up spattered tops are an homage to Kandinsky and should grace the covers of Vogue.
This half-full stuff is tiring work. Now I really am thirsty.
02/28/2011