If you’re thinking about adoption — or if you’ve made the big decision — congratulations! You are embarking on one of the most exciting, challenging and rewarding experiences life has to offer: raising a child.
Perhaps you desperately want to be a parent but have been struggling to conceive, or you want to provide a good home to a child who needs one. Or perhaps you haven’t found a life partner with whom to start a family. No matter the reason, the bottom line is that once you adopt, your child is your child, however he came into your life.
“I always felt there are so many children out there who are desperate for parents that I could be a mother to one or two of them,” says Lisa Finnegan, 45, who adopted her daughter from Ghana.
So what do you need to know before adopting? Here are the basics.
• Consider what kind of adoption you want. Ask yourself questions like: Do you want a baby, toddler or older child? Do you want to go through the foster care system or use an agency or lawyer? What role will the biological parents play, if any? Would you consider a special-needs child? Do you want your child to be the same race as you? Do you want a domestic or international adoption? (For domestic adoptions, the foster care system can be involved, as can the birth mother.) Does the country you’re adopting from place restrictions on income, sexual orientation or marriage status? To help make your decision, there is a wealth of information available online at sites like Adoption.com and Rainbowkids.org.
• Do your research. Adoption-related groups like Yahoo!’s are a great resource. “There are groups tailored to different countries, different types of adoption and agency research, and I joined them all and corresponded with dozens of people before making any major decisions,” says Maribeth Mikowski, 43, a teacher who adopted her son from Vietnam. When she was looking for advice about her imminent adoption, Christina Swarns, 41, a lawyer, says she checked her agency’s blog for posts by new parents.
• Be super organized. “The paperwork is daunting, and you are bound by deadlines,” Mikowski says. There is no guarantee that an agency or facilitator will keep on top of it for you. “I discovered my fingerprints [required for most adoptions] had expired,” she adds. “Yes, fingerprints can expire!”
• Be patient. After your application has been filed, prepare for the unexpected; paperwork rules may change, as may eligibility requirements. And then wait. In some cases, the waiting is the hardest part. But when you bring your child into your home, all the work you did to get to this point will be forgotten, and then the real work — and fun — begins.