The first time you brought your baby home, it was a big adjustment for you and your husband. The second or third time you bring home your baby, it’s an adjustment for your older children, too.
While they are excited about the new arrival, older siblings also have to cope with jealous feelings and sharing their parents’ attention.
“It’s everybody’s new baby, not just yours,” says Tracy Jaffe, a mother to three in Scarsdale, N.Y. “Everyone has a new role to play.”
Here’s how to help ease the transition.
Tell big sister the baby is coming. Read a picture book about the topic. The books help explain how babies need a lot of attention but how big sister is still special to Mom and Dad.
Have big sister practice. Since children learn through play, she can pretend to be a big sister to a favorite doll or stuffed animal. Sara Klein, a mother of two in New York City, says she got a feeding set and baby bassinet for her daughter’s doll.
“She’d burp the doll and put it to sleep,” she says.
Put off other changes. Don’t try to move your toddler from a crib to a bed or toilet train at the same time as baby’s arrival, advises the American Academy of Pediatrics. All of the changes can feel overwhelming.
Plan the first meeting. For the first introduction, “have the baby be in a crib or another neutral place, not your or your husband’s arms,” says Yiying Luthra, a mother of two in New York City. This way big sister won’t feel immediately threatened.
Sara Warden, a mother of two in Morocco, says she had visitors coming to see the baby ask her daughter to show them her new brother. “This way she felt involved,” Warden says.
Keep careful, constant watch. Toddlers especially aren’t aware of their own strength or just how fragile a newborn is. Have her practice giving gentle hugs and touching baby somewhere safe. Klein says she taught her daughter to say hello to her newborn by touching his feet.
Carve out alone time with the older sibling. Do something just with big sister, no matter if she’s 2 or 12. This reinforces that she is still important to you.
Expect rough patches Toddlers may act out, older kids may ignore the baby. Tell big sister you love her as much as you always have, and make a point of praising good behavior.
“The best piece of advice I got was that the transition would be hell the first six months,” says Sarah Shute Smith, a mother of three in Portland, Oregon. “And then it’ll be great because the kids will play together!”
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