You’ve heard all the reasons to breastfeed – you know of the health benefits and the bonding involved. But sometimes, despite best intentions and great effort, a woman just isn’t able to produce milk – or isn’t able to produce enough to sufficiently nourish and hydrate her baby.
The advice you’ve probably already heard is: Try and try again. Even if it’s hard, even if it seems like baby (or you) just isn’t getting it. You should pump if necessary. You should keep at it.
But you know what? If it doesn’t work, it’s OK. Honestly. You’re no less of a woman, or less of a mother, for not breastfeeding, or not exclusively breastfeeding.
“It would be unfair to single out mothers who are unable to breastfeed for whatever reason and label them as less than adequate,” says Dr. Pablo Rodriguez, OB-GYN, an associate professor at Brown University and the CEO of Women’s Care, in Rhode Island.
Although “every effort should be made to provide mothers with the time and support necessary to [establish a breastfeeding routine],” says Dr. Rodriguez, “it’s clear that some women are not able to carry out this mission effectively, and in those cases formula may have a role.”
Formula is one of those topics that can get people really riled up. Aubrey Wade, a pediatric nurse in San Francisco who was also a longtime Certified Lactation Consultant, calls the issue “a particularly thorny one.”
“There is currently a zealous cohort of lactation consultants,” says Wade, “[who think that] all babies should receive only breast milk until age 1. But I feel strongly that one or two bottles of formula supplementation will not interfere with a successful breastfeeding career.”
In fact, continues Wade, “it can be the saving grace that enables an easy, beneficial relationship. New mothers are totally exhausted, their bodies reeling to recover. Milk let-down is a delicate balance, as is latch-on. Forcing the baby to learn correct positioning when mama and babe are both exhausted is not always successful. Both parties can become disillusioned or distraught when it doesn't go well.
“This breaks my heart; I'd much rather see a little assistance from [formula] than a mom who feels like a failure because she [didn’t learn how to breastfeed] in the first few days.”
Sometimes the decision to bottle feed, either with expressed breast milk or with formula, is a choice related to practical concerns: If mom is the primary breadwinner in the household and is going back to work shortly after giving birth, it may be too difficult or impractical to establish a breastfeeding habit between mom and baby.
If that’s the situation you find yourself in, you may want to consider pumping at work, if possible. Many employers will provide a designated (lockable) room where you can do this in privacy.
“The important thing,” says Dr. Rodriguez, “is to make sure that mothers take care of their children in the best possible way according to their circumstances.”
