Moms and Alcohol

Recently, a segment on 20/20 about alcoholic mothers caught my attention. It’s not a problem often spotlighted as a traditional “parenting” issue, but 20/20’s angle brought to the forefront how the use and abuse of alcohol among new mothers is prevalent, very real and can have detrimental effects on your entire family.

 

 

One-third of the alcoholics in this country are women. And many of them aren’t addicted to hard alcohol, as the stereotype might suggest: All the moms 20/20 spoke to overwhelmingly prefer wine to liquor. As wine is the drink of choice of almost every mother I know — most putting away anywhere from one glass to an entire bottle multiple times per week — that fact hit a little closer to home.

 

 

Stephanie Wilder-Taylor, a mother of three, struck a chord with me. The L.A. comedian and author championed the use of wine and other cocktails to help mothers get through their day in her stand-up routine as well as in her books Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay and Naptime Is the New Happy Hour. But for Wilder-Taylor, the punch line ended up being much more than a harmless joke.

 

 

In a post on her popular blog Baby on Bored, she outed herself and admitted that her drinking had become a serious, nightly compulsion. E-mails poured in. But instead of labeling her a hypocrite for writing books that glamorized drinking while she, herself, was an alcoholic, hundreds of moms said they also suspected they also abused alcohol, felt guilty and ashamed about their drinking and didn’t know how to stop.

 

 

The stigma and embarrassment associated with alcoholism often force women, especially moms, to hide their drinking. Wilder-Taylor’s courage to publicly admit she had a problem helped many others come forward.

 

 

I was largely a social drinker before I got pregnant, imbibing with friends after a stressful day at work, or at parties, dinners and celebrations. I had no problem staying away from alcohol while pregnant. But after I stopped breastfeeding (when my daughter was three months), I noticed my drinking habits had changed. My motives shifted from craving group fun to a more intimate setting with my topped-off Riedel after my daughter went to bed.

 

 

Could I be using alcohol as a crutch to manage the unexpected twists and challenges of motherhood? Or perhaps I needed it to take the edge off my at-home work situation? Wilder-Taylor initially advocated drinking postpartum because it helped her maintain an “edginess” to her personality. Maybe her original motive was indicative of a bigger problem that she needed to take a look at.

 

 

Everyone can learn from Wilder-Taylor’s experience. Most of us are able to kick back and enjoy a couple of glasses of wine and a few laughs with friends at a play date or at home at the end of a trying day and keep our parenting priorities and child’s safety in check.

 

 

The point is to take a step back and look closely at your coping mechanisms and make sure they’re healthy. It may be sobering to realize that it doesn’t take much to cross that line and reach for the bottle, thinking it’s going to solve problems, soothe frayed nerves or conjure up the courage to face the next challenge. It could also be time to ask yourself if the stress of motherhood actually driving you to drink. Take this quiz from Alcoholics Anonymous to find out.

 

 

Do you think you have a problem? Here are some tips and resources: